Since my first blog a lot of people have asked me what is “THE BOOK” that changed my life, but I will have to disappoint as that post will come in time and when it does… you will know. This post is about a different book that also had a huge impact on me. It will provide details of a single concept that I applied in my own life when I finally decided to end my dream of playing professional basketball and had to re-locate, re-define, and re-create both myself and my meaning/purpose in life. Meaning is one of the primary topics I will deeply discuss over a series of posts, as my full thoughts on this topic vastly cover more than the concepts of just one book.
The book that I will be discussing is “IKIGAI: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life”. I found it around 3 years ago in the late fall of 2018 soon after returning to Worcester after my time in Paris. At this time in my life, I was working full-time as a waiter whilst also training full-time as a part of the professional Worcester Wolves BBL team. Reading the book during this very demanding and stressful time provided me with the clarity of a healthier way to pursue my defined meaning and purpose. However, the concept of ikigai became of much more significance/value later when I had to reinvent myself after I finally decided to end the pursuit of my dream of playing professional basketball.
I hope those who read this post will find value in my story of how I made the transition from deciding to end the pursuit of an almost decade long dream to redefining and recreating myself through to how I discovered a new purpose to live for. I hope by seeing the practical use of this concept, in this way, will allow you to directly reflect on your own lives, to find a truer sense of purpose in the pursuits you decide to undertake. My intention for sharing my own application of this concept of ikigai is to give you a single brick of practical knowledge that you can take and add to your own wall of beliefs, ideas, and philosophies for how you can find meaning and purpose, especially when faced with the adversity of having to stop, reflect, and potentially change the direction and goals of your life.
IKIGAI: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life.
I actually remember many details of when I discovered the book by how I felt I was pulled/willed across the bookstore, without having any idea where I was going. I was just moving step by step towards an area that produced a feeling of trust, even a feeling of reason and purpose, that I was in the right place, at the right time, going the right way. When I arrived at the destination, up close the book’s washed blue cover and the cherry blossom tree illustration stood out like a black sheep surrounded by a field of a 1000 white sheep, as if it was calling for me to pick it up. The whole experience was like entering a busy room filled with people and faces that don’t matter, or draw any attention, but as you move through the room you suddenly notice that one person who stands out and something inside tells you that you must go speak to them.
Once the book was in my hands the name “IKIGAI”, and the subheading “The Japanese Secret To A Long And Happy Life” I knew that I would not easily put it back down. All those initial characteristics that captured me may not catch the attention of everyone. I have always been extremely interested in ancient Japanese culture, and have always had a distant curiosity of eastern spirituality and philosophy. However, those moments of magnetic curiosity caused by the front cover, were not what sealed the purchase, or what later great affected my life, it was what was on the back cover that did.
Directly translated ikigai means "a reason for being” and it is often found within the centre of a ven diagram, and this is what was illustrated on the back of the book. On first sight, it appears very simple, but after a few moments of contemplation it quickly spirals into becoming very profound by how it raises the internal questioning that perhaps it may be true. The diagram transfixed me in this way, and ever since I saw it that day, it has forever been engraved in my mind whenever I question myself about what I should do or be, and how I should define/locate my purpose in life.
This diagram was hugely responsible for my passion for eastern philosophy. This passion began as a distant interest, but the concept of ikigai provided a diving board into the depths of searching eastern philosophy to answer the many questions I had, and still have, about finding purpose, meaning, and answers to the questions that came after losing my dad. But these details are for another time, as it was through my rising knowledge of the concept of ikigai, that helped me to answer some of the toughest and deepest questions we can ever ask ourselves when I had to destroy everything I once was to reinvent myself, my aim, and my “reason for being” when I finally decided to never pick up a basketball again.
Primarily displayed in the diagram of ikigai are four key principles that when balanced allow the identification of your “reason for being”. When your ikigai is discovered and lived this is what provides you lasting purpose, happiness, and fulfilment in life. It is a very simple premise that can be used across many areas of life such as your career, business, relationships, and where to focus your attention/aim when you find yourself lost in the world. Some may be sceptical that a simple diagram can provide the answers to such a deep question of how to find purpose across these areas of life, but the fact that Japan has the most centurions in the entire world shows that they must be onto something.
The reason you should identify your ikigai is that “a reason for being” is much more valuable than what society depicts as happiness. “A reason for being” allows you to wake up each morning and continually act with positivity, passion, aim, and purpose, even when times are hard, and you feel like sh*t. By identifying and pursuing “a reason for being” it provides a more accurate appreciation and representation of what happiness means to you. Happiness is not a permanent state, it is a feeling that comes through the actions of living with meaning and purpose towards a valuable aim. To pursue the idea of happiness alone, without a meaningful reason, only results in continually alluding you and getting further out of reach. Therefore, it is through identifying “a reason for being” that results in better health and longevity in life.
The book uses examples of how the famous Japanese artist Hayao Miyazaki (who created Spirited Away, My Neighbour Totoro, and many other classics) retired at 72 age and the next day continued to return to Studio Ghibli saying that he would draw until the day he died. This was his ikigai, his purpose, his passion, his ultimate reason for being, it sustains him and his life because he has a daily purpose to live for. It is unreasonable to assume that he is happy everyday, but we could assume that he often finds more bubbles of happiness living his ikigai daily, compared to the single bubble of instant gratification that the purchasing of new material possessions provides.
We often live thinking we need more, we need newer and shinier things because that is what success looks like on social media and in the world around us. As a result we are conditioned to believe that happiness and success is found by replicating this image/ideal that others often flaunt. However, the obtainment of such things is often absent of any deep meaning and so the feelings of happiness gained in the purchase of these material possessions always disappears soon after they are obtained, just like a new car loosing its value the moment it is taken off the lot.
The pursuit of more is a sickness that leaves those people we view in society as happy and successful as being bound to their own delusions of success. They can never be happy because they must always continually chase their own tail to try and match and replicate the feelings that have just left them, leaving them chasing their next fix in hopes of a new high. Their addiction to needing more is exactly like trying to hold a fistful of water in your hands, but no matter what you do its nature is to continually escape. To break away from this illusion of success that is displayed as the ultimate ideal in life across social media is to instead find true fulfilment and meaning. But to do this we must take the more difficult path, we must do what many struggle and avoid… we must identify our ikigai.
We can learn to identify what our ikigai might be when and if we find ourselves in a state of flow. We have all been in a state of flow, but you may not have been aware of its existence without first having it defined. Flow is often described as “being in the zone, it is the mental state in which a person performing some activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energised focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterised by the complete absorption in what one does, and a resulting transformation in one's sense of time.” This state is often how I found myself when the countless hours would fly by when I was on the basketball court alone, with my headphones on, pursuing a dream and the fulfilment of a promise I made to my Dad moments after he passed away (I will discuss this promise and its future impact and implications on my life in much depth in a future post).
I believe ikigai is a fantastic concept that we should all try to embrace and incorporate into our lives. Many will look at the diagram and think it's a nice idea but may feel no closer to identifying their “reason for being”, and that is completely fine. It is not supposed to tell you exactly what and who you are supposed to be, it is only meant as a simple sign post along your path towards where you may notice something inside yourself which provides you with the first answers to these questions.
Many times in my life I have had no idea what my ikigai is, or how or where to find it. When I decided to finally remove myself from basketball (another very deep story that I also plan to share) I was completely lost and lacking any indication of what my purpose or meaning was. Basketball and my dream of playing professionally had defined my entire identity since the age of 15. I further cemented this in those moments after my Dad passed away when I made the promise that put me on a very narrow path for the next 5 years. When I finally freed myself of this burden, when I decided to return home in 2019, I was left with a huge empty abyss inside where I had to re-discover who I was and how I could find other things to fill this void.
We all have moments in life when we are completely lost and have no idea of who, or what we are, and without any indication of what interests us. Often we do one of two things, we just allow ourselves to drift hoping something will come along by its own action and save us, or we grasp even tighter onto those things that we must let go of. This often includes careers, university, relationships, hobbies, material and sentimental possessions, and even a loved one who has passed away, and so much more. When we don’t let go we don’t allow ourselves to notice that as we grow and change in life so too does our ikigai. It is important to notice this so we can continually learn to find a way to move on and away from both our past and our past selves, so we can look down a new path and redefine our aim towards a new, better, and more true “reason for being”. You are not destined to be the person you were yesterday for the rest of your life.
As I mentioned earlier, I went through this battle to redefine myself when I returned home and I was completely lost and void of any meaning or aim. However, it became clear to me that it was my personal responsibility to help myself, as in the real world everyone is “lost” and trying to find their own way, their own answers, no one else is responsible for showing you the path that you need to walk to discover your own purpose, because no one else can know. So to begin this journey, I began to pursue anything that currently or previously interested me, which I may have neglected in the past in favour of my previous pursuit. Those initial feelings of interest when engaging in these new things sometimes faded very quickly, but often when one door closes another opens, and very often a new door can only open when you allow another to fully close.
We often leave some doors slightly open, with our hands on the handle ready in the hope that something may change and resolve the previous obstruction so we can quickly step back through. We do this because that past situation is all we know and so we perceive it as being perfect to prevent us the trouble and fear of finding something else that potentially won’t ever be as fulfilling. I held onto the desire to play professional basketball for years and it wasn’t until I let go and fully closed that door that I was able to walk down the hallway and step through other doors where I discovered entire new worlds, so much richer in colour.
Overcoming this belief and hence blockage that basketball was my only and truest understanding of meaning and purpose ultimately allowed me to be the closest I have ever been to defining my true ikigai. From being uncomfortable and facing my own fears, I was able to both discover and rediscover my passion in psychology, neuropsychology, philosophy, eastern studies, and functional training. If I hadn’t have gone through all this I wouldn’t have started this blog and be attempting to help others take positive action to find their ikigai.
When we are so focused on achieving one goal, we often have blinkers on forcing us to only focus and pursue that one thing/career/ideal/person/dream we idolise. The consequence being that we become blind to all else that is around us. Sometimes we simply just need to slow down, and breathe. Often there is something better right beside us waving for attention which is exactly what we need, but if we continue to refuse to look beyond our blinkers we may never come to see, or to accept our original ikigai could be completely wrong. When I moved home, I seriously considered myself a failure because I never wanted to return to Christchurch. I believed I had to play basketball professionally so I could support my family, and the fact that I didn’t make this a reality, I had in my own eyes failed. For this reason, I didn’t leave my house for almost three months, because I didn’t believe anything else could match the meaning and purpose that my pursuit for basketball had provided me.
Eventually, I made myself get up and get a local job because I needed a source of income. I had blown mostly everything I had on my one last attempt of pursuing professional basketball. During this time period, I forced myself to do a lot of self-reflection, reading, and asking myself very deep and difficult questions we don’t want to ask or answer. It took time, it was very uncomfortable, but I was able to discover other things that pulled me like the book did in the store that day. I had to literally dissolve my previous belief systems of who I viewed myself and my purpose to be, and accept that the person I defined myself around basketball was officially dead. I had to literally start at the bottom, with no map, virtually alone with the responsibility of completely reinventing myself, but guess what… I did it.
Since I moved home I have had serval jobs, read an uncountable number of books, and have met some incredible people. These all allowed me to learn something new, point me towards new and interesting things, to recognise what I do and don’t want to be. All those moments, both good and bad, were extremely valuable and necessary for me to establish a new ikigai and aim. If it wasn’t for those times, the people I met, and the countless books I read, I wouldn’t have reached where I am today with the passions that both pull me towards, and provide me with a clearer idea of, what my ikigai is, or might be. Most of all, without these experiences I wouldn’t be writing this blog trying to help people along their own path, out of darkness, towards the light of discovering their own ikigai.
Now, I am still walking my own path and there is often thick fog making it difficult to even see my own hand out in-front of me or where to take my next step. This is just a reality that we all must face. We cannot know everything as we have no idea what will happen from one moment to the next, but I find that through experiencing new things, and reading more about those things that interest me, I am able to feel the pull towards what feels right. It is almost like a small touch of air that, as it brushes past your cheek, removes just enough fog in front of you to see the next step in the right direction.
So to those of you who feel lost, trapped or running towards something that just keeps moving further away from you, I say relax, slow down and just breathe for a moment. Don’t be in such a hurry to define your ikigai that it causes you to be blind to all else and miss what it could truly be. If you run too fast in a direction you assume to be correct, you may find yourself more lost than your already were. Sometimes it is more important to take one step forwards, discover, and experience if it was a mistake, then gather yourself to take your next step in a better direction.
As much as you believe other people are more successful and have their lives sorted in comparison to you, they don’t. Everyone is looking for the same thing no matter what they may post or say. We are all looking for our ikigai, and it will change and evolve as you live, so take the time to understand and be kind to yourself. I guarantee if you do this you will find your way, and what pulls you to be found, and when you get there you will live a much longer and happier life. It is not about how fast you go but only that you are actually moving.
So follow those things that interest you. When those things you are killing yourself for don’t give back, face the fear of accepting it might not be the right thing, take a leap in a new direction, and bravely try something new. You may be surprised to find that this new thing is much better for you than your previous pursuit, or it may only interest you for the next week, month, or year but by reflecting on this experience it may tell you more than anything else ever did before. Observe yourself and discover if something inside is pointing you towards your true ikigai. You will know you are close when you feel in a state of flow or when you describe what it might be and you can’t prevent your whole face from beaming. If it doesn’t, that’s okay, just continue to adjust and try something else that interests you, and you will soon find your way.
Follow that call to adventure, pursue what you think and believe is meaningful. If you do this enough you will find your Ikigai, and it will bring you the happiness and fulfilment you are looking for. The worst thing you can do is know you are unhappy and just comfortable staying where you are, constantly putting off acting towards something that you know is so much better because it scares you to act towards it. If you act now, imagine where you would be in 5 years, imagine all those things you would have discovered about yourself, and what your ikigai could be. Don’t wait to act in 5 years only to find out you should have done it earlier, or worse, find it is too late. This is the road that most people take, they sit still and do nothing only leading themselves towards later regret for the decisions they never made, and resent the others who did. Don't be like those people, pursue what you believe is meaningful, take on the call to adventure, face the world of the unknown, discover who you are, and discover your ikigai.
To finish, I implore you to not be afraid of going slowly, instead be afraid of standing still and disappearing into the comfort of complacency, and most of all when you start moving, don’t ever look back. You are not going that way.
Your IKIGAI is already inside of you, and the world is calling out to you to discover it, but it is up to you to live your life in order to identify it.
So live in the pursuit of meaning and your ikigai will become clear.
Written for you.
By
Mike